‘I am aware that many individuals will probably label me as trivial and immature, but I want nothing to do with my ex’ (Picture: Getty Images)Navigating interactions with a former spouse can be challenging under the best of circumstances.
However, when you end a relationship with someone who was deeply integrated into your life and family for years, the separation is often not as straightforward for others.
For one woman, the situation has become particularly complicated because her sibling wants both her and her former spouse to be part of the wedding party.
The 32-year-old has turned to Reddit to share the details and ask if she’s justified in setting an ultimatum – if her ex is a groomsman, then she won’t be a bridesmaid.
She’s even considering not attending the wedding at all.
She began the story by explaining that her sibling and their fiancée are getting married this Summer (Summer is Here SALE)r, and asked her to be a bridesmaid through a video call.
‘Naturally, I accepted because I adore both of them,’ she reminisced, ‘and I am genuinely thrilled for them.
‘However, during the call, and after I had already agreed to be a bridesmaid, my sibling dropped a bombshell. They mentioned that they hope this doesn’t cause any complications, but they want to ask my former spouse (30M) to be one of their groomsmen.
‘My initial response wasn’t ideal, I essentially said “What? Why? Are you serious? WTF?”‘
Then she delves into the details of how her relationship with her former spouse ended.
‘My former spouse and I were high school sweethearts and married at a young age,’ she wrote. ‘We were both 23 when we got married and divorced by the time we turned 25. There was no infidelity or abuse of any kind, just a toxic relationship that we were too young to fully comprehend, and eventually we reached a point in our marriage where we despised each other.
‘Fortunately, we didn’t have any children, and we were too young to have significant assets, so the divorce was straightforward because neither of us wanted any involvement with the other. I moved away, found a new job, and started a new life.
‘My former spouse stayed in our hometown (where my sibling currently resides). I haven’t had any contact with my former spouse in nearly five years.’
‘My initial response wasn’t ideal’ (Picture: Getty Images/PhotoAlto)While she was aware that her sibling and former spouse had always been close, she was surprised to learn that they remained good friends after the divorce.
‘My sibling told me that they understand this may be somewhat awkward,’ she continued, ‘but it’s only for one day, and it’s not as if my former spouse and I will have to walk down the aisle together. They said they will do whatever they can to keep us apart if necessary, but they value both me and my former spouse greatly, and they want both of us involved in their wedding.
‘I know many individuals will probably label me as trivial and immature, but I want nothing to do with my former spouse. There is a reason why I haven’t had any contact with them for so long, I have no desire to communicate with them. Let alone be in the same wedding party as them.’
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She also pointed out that, since both of them are in the wedding party, there will likely be numerous unavoidable situations in which, regardless of what happens, they will have to spend a lot of time together.
‘I want nothing to do with that,’ she writes. ‘I explained all of this to my sibling and informed them that if they are going to have my former spouse as a groomsman, I don’t think I can be a bridesmaid, and I might have to reconsider attending the wedding.
‘This led to some back and forth with my sibling attempting to negotiate with me and convince me that it wouldn’t be a significant issue, and me essentially telling them that this was non-negotiable for me.’
The issue remains unresolved, and after their conversation, the poster’s mother and younger sister weighed in, telling her that she needs to support her sibling and ‘mature’.
Ouch.
People in the comments are divided, with some saying her sibling should show more loyalty to their family, while others are saying the poster essentially needs to get a grip.
One person wrote: ‘I agree with your family; this seems petty. I have been to weddings with my former spouse. You haven’t spoken in five years, so just continue not speaking to each other. If they attempt to engage in conversation, simply move on and pretend they aren’t there.’
However, the top comment reads: ‘It’s their day, your sibling can invite whoever they want to participate. But you don’t have to accept the invitation.
‘Everyone likes to throw around the line “blood is thicker than water,” so maybe your sibling should consider who is most important to them on their wedding day.’
It may not always be easy, but getting along and being friends with your former spouse are both entirely possible.
As Metro Writer and freelance journalist Ella Gadore r previously wrote: ‘It would be foolish to believe that there will never be feelings of longing, nostalgia, or even sexual feelings towards an ex.
‘But I don’t believe that should hinder friendship. Feelings are just feelings. It’s how you behave that matters.’
That being said, it definitely won’t work for everyone – what do you think? Let us know in the comments below…
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First appear at ‘My brother made my ex husband his groomsman – so I’m refusing to go to the wedding’
